As a recovered anorexic, I found the comment "I wish I had the discipline for an ED" incredibly tone-deaf. The "discipline" that drives ED patients is the very thing that risks killing them.
I’ve really been struggling with this lately. I’ve had an ED for 19 years and been in every level of care. I got so used to people telling me I was sick, in danger, etc. that now that I don’t have that support/reminder, I feel like I’m fine. I’m pretty underweight, but I eat probably more than a lot of people eat in our disordered society.
I exercise a ton, but that also is so normalized in our society and I beat myself up if I don’t have the strength or energy to do as much one day. I have so many people I encounter call me a beast, powerhouse, etc. in praise of my exercise habits. It honestly makes me angry at this point because they are reinforcing behaviors that are making me miserable and I so desperately want to allow myself to rest, but it’s too terrifying to stop. I don’t know how they could think I’m in a good place health wise with my appearance and frequency of exercise.
Thank you so much for sharing this. I resonate with so much of it.
It is SO hard to know what to do with “compliments” that feel terrible. What’s hardest for me about them, is they make me feel so unseen. I really applaud your honesty about the complexity of how you’re feeling: “fine” on one hand, but “miserable” on the other. It’s a lot, and I’m sending a big virtual hug 💛
How have you felt going back to the gym after struggling with it in the past? I feel like I “should” go to the gym and I feel intense guilt that I don’t, but I really hate it, it doesn’t feel safe, and it brings back trauma from my ED even more.
I also haven’t been able to do intense cardio like I used to lately because I have a lower back injury and it’s so hard not to beat myself up and feel like I’m not doing enough. It also makes it so hard to eat.
You know, I feel really good at the gym now, but it’s taken me a while and a lot of support to get there. I had a very intense disruption in my workout routine when the pandemic hit and totally threw off my rhythm, but the silver lining is that I was really forced to expand my thinking about movement and experiment with finding things I enjoyed doing under different circumstances. Now, BECAUSE I am in a good place in my recovery, I feel well-equipped to handle potentially triggering things that come up in that setting (which does happen).
I want to be very clear that I’m not giving you individual advice here, but I want to mention how obviously complicated the concept of “exercise” can be for those in ED recovery. As potentially beneficial as moving our bodies is as a general concept, it is not always a safe or “healthy” choice depending on a lot of factors (physical/medical, nutritional, psychological, etc), even if it can be a goal to work toward. That is why it is so important to get support from professionals that can help you figure out how to meet yourself where you are now. I’ve worked with clients who have engaged in various levels of care previously, and then years later they come to me in a different place and ready to approach things in a new way. It’s a cliche for a reason, because it is true that recovery is not linear, and there is no point at which we “should” be able to figure it all out on our own.
Did you take a complete break from movement? I really struggle with that because it’s so hard for me to eat when I’m not active, even though I know that’s part of my ED. I also fear being sedentary. When I spend time with my parents at their house, they don’t allow me to exercise, which is frustrating as a 33 year old woman. I know they are scared, but it’s hard when someone who isn’t a doctor limits my activity.
I completely understand you can’t give me individual advice. I’m trying to find a dietitian again, but finances are stressful right now. I know realistically that I should cut way back on exercise or stop it completely, but I just don’t know how to cope with it because I don’t have any support besides my family.
Just really feeling everything you’re saying about how hard this all is and how many barriers there are to getting the support you need. For me, reading books/listening to podcasts/etc. has been a huge piece of how I’ve strengthened my resolve in all of this. It also helps me feel way less alone when I read/hear others talk about how they’ve navigated and are navigating all of this stuff. So I’m glad you’re here on Substack, and if you need or want more recommendations for resources, would be happy to share some (though it’s possible you’re already well familiar if you’re here).
I didn’t personally take a complete movement break, but I did massively overhaul my definition of what “counted” and cut way back. I also had already been doing a ton of work to get to a place where I knew that I was nourishing myself enough to sustain any movement I was doing. I think a dietitian is a great call if that’s where you’re leaning (in terms of where you might be able to invest in some help), and I also hope that you have a PCP that is supportive and able to make sure you’re doing okay from a medical perspective.
I also again just want to thank you for being so open with all of this, and I hope that sharing it is feeling helpful for you too.
I’ve read so many books and listen to a lot of podcasts, but it doesn’t really help me feel less unsure about my own ED and constantly feeling like I’m eating too much and not feeling sick.
My issue is I feel like I eat enough, so exercise doesn’t seem unsafe, but my mom doesn’t agree. I have it stuck in my head now that I’m not good enough if I don’t go to the gym or do intense cardio because it seems like that’s what everyone does. My PCP isn’t great, but it’s hard to find one who knows much about EDs.
Sharing it is helpful. I appreciate you listening and sharing your own experiences.
As a recovered anorexic, I found the comment "I wish I had the discipline for an ED" incredibly tone-deaf. The "discipline" that drives ED patients is the very thing that risks killing them.
Absolutely, that’s the problem with people not recognizing how much our culture normalizes dangerous attitudes and behavior.
I’ve really been struggling with this lately. I’ve had an ED for 19 years and been in every level of care. I got so used to people telling me I was sick, in danger, etc. that now that I don’t have that support/reminder, I feel like I’m fine. I’m pretty underweight, but I eat probably more than a lot of people eat in our disordered society.
I exercise a ton, but that also is so normalized in our society and I beat myself up if I don’t have the strength or energy to do as much one day. I have so many people I encounter call me a beast, powerhouse, etc. in praise of my exercise habits. It honestly makes me angry at this point because they are reinforcing behaviors that are making me miserable and I so desperately want to allow myself to rest, but it’s too terrifying to stop. I don’t know how they could think I’m in a good place health wise with my appearance and frequency of exercise.
Thank you so much for sharing this. I resonate with so much of it.
It is SO hard to know what to do with “compliments” that feel terrible. What’s hardest for me about them, is they make me feel so unseen. I really applaud your honesty about the complexity of how you’re feeling: “fine” on one hand, but “miserable” on the other. It’s a lot, and I’m sending a big virtual hug 💛
How have you felt going back to the gym after struggling with it in the past? I feel like I “should” go to the gym and I feel intense guilt that I don’t, but I really hate it, it doesn’t feel safe, and it brings back trauma from my ED even more.
I also haven’t been able to do intense cardio like I used to lately because I have a lower back injury and it’s so hard not to beat myself up and feel like I’m not doing enough. It also makes it so hard to eat.
You know, I feel really good at the gym now, but it’s taken me a while and a lot of support to get there. I had a very intense disruption in my workout routine when the pandemic hit and totally threw off my rhythm, but the silver lining is that I was really forced to expand my thinking about movement and experiment with finding things I enjoyed doing under different circumstances. Now, BECAUSE I am in a good place in my recovery, I feel well-equipped to handle potentially triggering things that come up in that setting (which does happen).
I want to be very clear that I’m not giving you individual advice here, but I want to mention how obviously complicated the concept of “exercise” can be for those in ED recovery. As potentially beneficial as moving our bodies is as a general concept, it is not always a safe or “healthy” choice depending on a lot of factors (physical/medical, nutritional, psychological, etc), even if it can be a goal to work toward. That is why it is so important to get support from professionals that can help you figure out how to meet yourself where you are now. I’ve worked with clients who have engaged in various levels of care previously, and then years later they come to me in a different place and ready to approach things in a new way. It’s a cliche for a reason, because it is true that recovery is not linear, and there is no point at which we “should” be able to figure it all out on our own.
Did you take a complete break from movement? I really struggle with that because it’s so hard for me to eat when I’m not active, even though I know that’s part of my ED. I also fear being sedentary. When I spend time with my parents at their house, they don’t allow me to exercise, which is frustrating as a 33 year old woman. I know they are scared, but it’s hard when someone who isn’t a doctor limits my activity.
I completely understand you can’t give me individual advice. I’m trying to find a dietitian again, but finances are stressful right now. I know realistically that I should cut way back on exercise or stop it completely, but I just don’t know how to cope with it because I don’t have any support besides my family.
Just really feeling everything you’re saying about how hard this all is and how many barriers there are to getting the support you need. For me, reading books/listening to podcasts/etc. has been a huge piece of how I’ve strengthened my resolve in all of this. It also helps me feel way less alone when I read/hear others talk about how they’ve navigated and are navigating all of this stuff. So I’m glad you’re here on Substack, and if you need or want more recommendations for resources, would be happy to share some (though it’s possible you’re already well familiar if you’re here).
I didn’t personally take a complete movement break, but I did massively overhaul my definition of what “counted” and cut way back. I also had already been doing a ton of work to get to a place where I knew that I was nourishing myself enough to sustain any movement I was doing. I think a dietitian is a great call if that’s where you’re leaning (in terms of where you might be able to invest in some help), and I also hope that you have a PCP that is supportive and able to make sure you’re doing okay from a medical perspective.
I also again just want to thank you for being so open with all of this, and I hope that sharing it is feeling helpful for you too.
I’ve read so many books and listen to a lot of podcasts, but it doesn’t really help me feel less unsure about my own ED and constantly feeling like I’m eating too much and not feeling sick.
My issue is I feel like I eat enough, so exercise doesn’t seem unsafe, but my mom doesn’t agree. I have it stuck in my head now that I’m not good enough if I don’t go to the gym or do intense cardio because it seems like that’s what everyone does. My PCP isn’t great, but it’s hard to find one who knows much about EDs.
Sharing it is helpful. I appreciate you listening and sharing your own experiences.